Counselling for Baby Loss

Originally written for Petals Charity here

Why did you become a Petals counsellor?

For many years my counselling work has gravitated towards bereavement, grief and loss so I suppose you could say I specialise in this area. However, I have always thought of baby loss as something which society finds unspeakable, even today. Thankfully, organisations such as Petals are changing this although there is still such a long way to go.

I started my counselling career in cancer which back then was never considered dinner party conversation. Thankfully nowadays people are much more able to talk about their experience of cancer and not have people turn away. I am desperately hoping we can get to the same place with baby loss and feel so grateful to the parents who share their story to help make this less of a taboo.

What's the most rewarding thing for you working as a Petals counsellor?

I am not going to lie, this is the hardest work I have done and I simply can't imagine walking in the shoes of the parents I work with. That said, seeing parents come out the other side, a little more able to accept what has happened to them is just about the most rewarding thing I could ask for. It is an utter privilege to have parents trust me with their deepest darkest secrets. Despite the fact that many parents worry their babies will be forgotten, I remember each and every one of them and suspect I always will.

How do you cope with the stories that you hear from people you support?

Like all Petals counsellors, I have a wonderful Clinical Supervisor who is always there if I'm having a bit of a wobble. On a very different level, I have a Springer Spaniel who, although completely bonkers, is always waiting for me to come away from a Zoom session. It's very hard for me to feel sad when presented with a stuffed toy and a wagging tail. I am lobbying for them to be prescribed on the NHS!

Describe what Petals does for people in one word.

Shoulder.

Lastly, tell us something that not many people know about you.

I was attacked by a baboon on a mountain in China. I screamed a sound I have never heard before and have never run so fast before or since.